Happy Wednesday! This is my monthly note on what I’ve been thinking about, learning, and living through lately. I free write these without much editing. If you’re new here, welcome! I write personal essays, sometimes laced with research on growth, reinvention, life/career transitions, and women’s health (PCOS).

Growth is Lonely

I’ve been on this growth journey for the past year and have been documenting it through my pieces over the past few months. Evolution, growth, and getting your life together is incredibly lonely. People distance themselves from you when they see that you are working on yourself. They have a fixed idea of who they think you should be, they put you in a box, and if you break that mold of their “fixed perception,” they have a hard time with that. You don’t have to be the same person you were a year ago, or even yesterday, you are allowed to evolve!

The Reciprocity of Friendship

I have always led my life with intention and purpose. I am a very intentional person whether that be with my friendships, relationships, dreams, or ambitions. But I also value reciprocity. I pour into those who pour into me. I try my best to support as much as I can and at the capacity I am able to. Because I would want someone to do that for me. However, I have lived so much of my life overfilling other people’s cups. Thinking that if I did more, they would as well. But as I get older, I’ve learned that not everyone is like that. Not everyone has the tools or emotional intelligence to meet you where you are. Not everyone leads with kindness. Not everyone’s intentions about you are good! And I have to be okay with that as I navigate through the world.

My friends and I have all been dealing with some serious personal things lately. Over the past few months, the way the three of us have shown up for each other is beautiful! I am so grateful for them. My friends are truly the loves of my life! I know there are levels to friendships. There are some friends you occasionally check in with, ones you see every few months, or some that you just sometimes go out with for a fun night. But the ones I value the most are the soul-nourishing ones who also pour into me (including the ones who don’t live nearby but still make the effort to keep in touch). wrote a stunning piece on this: what sex and the city got right about female friendship

There Is Space for Everyone

Supporting someone else’s growth and success does not diminish yours! There is room for everyone. I’ve noticed that reciprocity is also valued on this platform. This does not mean that you have to like every single Note or post from others. (Trust me, I do not have enough hours in my day for that either!) But if you occasionally see something that inspires or resonates with you, send them a like, show them some love. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. That’s the way to build community. wrote a great and honest reflection on refusing to measure one’s worth based on numbers: Hot Take: 12 Subscribers are better than 100. I know I don’t use Substack Notes at all really, it’s truly because I don’t have the time or capacity for it right now. But I prioritize using Notes to promote, restack, and highlight other people’s work.

Your Depth is Not Too Much; It’s the Best Thing About You

Growing up I was always an old soul. I was told that I think too much, or “Selina, it’s not that deep!” and for years I wished I was “normal.” I have learned that my depth is the best part of me and I don’t have to change. I know there are young women who read my work. I want to let you know that you are not too much!

If I am 100% honest, only two people I’ve been involved with were secure enough to value my depth and personality. They admired it and found it attractive. (Or at least were mature enough to tell me!) So yes, they are out there, but it’s rare! They welcomed it and taught me how to embrace it - and it meant so much to me, especially in my early 20s. They taught me that there was nothing wrong with me and that some people just can’t handle that depth and that’s okay! They’re simply not your people.

I was having a similar conversation recently with my two best friends. Some people may think we’re weird because we talk about certain topics so openly or with vulnerability.

You don’t have to shrink yourself to make others feel comfortable. Your individuality, quirkiness, uniqueness, and intelligence is the best part of you! If you are a woman reading this, please do not dim your light! We need it, especially with all the chaos in the world!

I have also been thinking about this lately in terms of dating, whenever I am ready to put myself back out there. I have more wisdom now than I did years ago, and I’m okay if it takes longer to find the right match. What matters to me is being with someone who truly values and embraces all of who I am. I’d choose that over a partner who makes me feel small or tries to shrink me. Of course, I want to share a life with someone, but only with someone who genuinely wants to share a life with me. Not out of loneliness, desperation, or pressure, but because we choose each other and grow together. This piece from touched my soul a little too much! But her words on heartbreak, self-trust, and singleness, made me feel less alone; and it was so well written! on trust & other things we mistake for growth

Sharing this segment of an interview where Dove Cameron discusses her experience of being told she was “too much.” It resonated with me and I have similar experiences, especially with dating. You are not too much, embrace your “muchness” - as she says. The part I am referencing ends at 3:20 - in case you don’t want to watch the entire video!

A few other pieces I want to highlight before April in Photos!

• An important piece by this badass woman, , that discusses the legal framework restricting abortion that is also threatening IVF: What Infertility and Abortion Have in Common That Nobody Wants to Admit

• An interesting piece by , on limited perspective and the shelter we seek in a beautiful comparison to a spider: Are We Doomed Because of Our Limited Perspective?

• A wonderful piece by highlighting the many societal issues we face as women at such an early age, framed as a manual that girls in sports deserve: You Were Built Different, Not Broken

• A great piece on burnout, achievement, and realizing that balance isn’t always available in every season and ofc with great tips as always, by : Did My Burnout Help Me Get Into Graduate School?

• A running list of women’s health myths written by ! You will learn something from this read: A running list of women’s health myths, busted

• I loved this piece by which reminded me to stay content about the journey because younger me would be so proud of where I am now! things 29-year-old me has that 13-year-old me would be obsessed with

April Moments

Some random life moments over the past month in photos:

I was listening to blue water road, by Kehlani, while writing this. I saw her live in 2022 on her tour for this album, and she’s amazing live!

I know I said I’d post every Tuesday, but that’s already changing. Life’s been a bit hectic, so sticking to a set schedule hasn’t been easy. You can still expect at least one post a week, though I may take breaks when needed :) Have a lot of your pieces bookmarked - will get them later this week!

If you’re new here and would like to learn a bit about me and this newsletter, see this piece: What I’m writing about in “The Realignment Room” Last month’s note: March Learnings & Notes | The Cost of Being Vulnerable Online

Happy Wednesday! I know it’s past Tuesday - I had an important work-related deadline I needed to prioritize yesterday. I wrote this last week but didn’t have time to wrap it up until last night.

This will be a monthly note on what I’ve been thinking about, learning, and living through lately - posted on the last Tuesday of each month. I’ll be free writing these so you’ll get taste of my brain without much editing. Still working on a format which may change over time so next month’s may look different. As always, thanks for reading and being here :)

On Posting on Substack Consistently

I’ve been posting consistently for 2 months now and most recently every Tuesday. There is joy to writing, but it does come with its stresses. Maintaining the stamina is a lot, and I am doing research and sharing vulnerable things with you all (with boundaries of course, I only share about 10% of the stories I tell you). It takes time, mental, and physical energy, but I am building something, so I know that requires work. But it’s also teaching me discipline.

Being Vulnerable Comes with a Price

One of the things I’ve been struggling with is the cost of being vulnerable online. Expressing feelings publicly is therapeutic and can feel like reclaiming power over them. It lets you know that you’re not alone, especially when your work resonates with people. However, the stories I share are cut significantly for privacy. If you know me personally, you know I value my privacy. I deleted my Instagram account years ago and before then I had only ever posted 5 times on the platform! I’ve never been a social media person. I’ve never posted on any of my travels or life milestones.

Those milestones are still significant and celebrated - just not publicly. Maybe that’ll change as I get older, who knows? I started a Substack so that’s a step! My mental health is a lot better off of those platforms. I do eventually would like to slowly get back on, so we’ll see!

I do see the value of social media don’t get me wrong! Presence is important. It’s a beautiful way to meet people and keep and in touch. Part of my jobs over the years have also required me to manage client social media accounts and create content. There is a social media manager component to PR. I think I just prefer long-form text content - so Substack seems to fit! However, I do love and support those who do share on those other platforms!

Balancing the Connection

I’ve met and interacted with great people so far! :) And I love reading the work of others; I try to read as much as I can but there is so much good content! I usually bookmark to read for later and then sometimes I forget because I am human. But there are so many talented people on here.

With that said people think they “know” you, I mean I guess you do to some extent lol. I am being authentic and showing up as myself (which is important). For those of you who have been following my journey so far, I have been sharing my PCOS story, getting out of an unhealthy relationship, my evolution and reinvention process, and navigating career changes at the moment. But those are just 4 components of my life - I am very multifaceted and tbh all of that does not need to be online!

I only shared this account with 5 friends and some of them support me on the sidelines which means the world to me. People further think that checking your “social media” is a way of “checking in” with you - when it’s not. That was one of the reasons why I got off it, years ago (and it significantly improved my mental health). Yes, I am sharing a bit of life updates here and there, but it’s not my day-to-day life. I lost so many friends when I got of Instagram because their way of keeping in touch was viewing my page or only interacting on the app (this is with close friends, obviously people I’ve met on travels or events serve a different purpose of keeping in touch online - so IG was needed.) I got tired of being the one who had to reach out and initiate meet-ups and conversations - and when I stopped doing that, there were some people who I never heard from again. Thankfully, I have genuine friendships now with people who actually care about me and reciprocate the energy.

I Share to Help Others

Despite these feelings, I am not going to stop. I am doing this because I wish I had someone who did this for me growing up. I grew up being an older sister to my younger brother, and I was always the first. First one to work on college applications, first one to graduate, first one to move out, first one to start working, etc. I didn’t have an older sibling to go to for advice. I was the example. I give myself a lot a grace (and my parents too). I was born and raised in NYC, but I did grow up watching their struggles as they were building a life in a new country. I think very early on I realized I didn’t want that for myself - so I literally worked my a*s off. I have been slowing down and being more intentional as I get older.

I also notice that dynamic in my friendships. People seek my advice on relationships, tough workplaces, career shifts, and health issues. I'm grateful they trust me as a resource (and it goes both ways with my amazing friends!). Simply put, I've had many life experiences despite being young. And a lot of them were just out of my control. If you knew me 5 years ago, you wouldn't recognize me now. Maybe I look the same lol; it's more-so my growth and evolution.

If anything, I hope to help someone. If reading my work makes you feel seen or inspired then I am doing my job - whether or not you engage :)

I just don’t want my emotional vulnerability to cost me the joy I have of writing on this platform. So I am working on finding balance. I’m out here talking about my period on the internet - professionally and educationally of course. Not something I ever imagined doing. But the feedback and response makes it worth it!

The Value of Being Underestimated

I grew up very petite and small lol. It often made people underestimate me. But the minute they meet me, or I start talking - that changes! Being underestimated can be a hidden advantage because it gives you the chance to grow without constant pressure from other people’s expectations. When people doubt your abilities, you often have more freedom to work quietly, improve steadily, and prove yourself through results rather than words. Let people underestimate you, you know what you are capable of.

And their opinions of you don’t matter. I had a mentor in college who once told me don’t take advice from people who are not where you want to be in life. If they don’t inspire you, why bother? Because at the end of the day everyone is going to have an opinion about you- but its just that - an opinion - they don’t know you personally. So who cares! Not all advice is good advice. And sometimes people have opinions because it makes them a little uncomfy that you are out here chasing your goals, putting in the work, and maybe being a little cringe - because they are too scared to.

Whenever I feel down and want to give up on my dreams, I watch Victoria Monet’s Grammy acceptance speech. If you know her story, you’ll understand. Don’t give up!

March Moments

Some random life moments over the past month in photos:

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I was listening to Temporary Highs in the Violet Skies by Snoh Aalegra while writing this. A good mix of chill, soul, pop, r&b - an experience to say the least.

I’ll eventually start putting up optional paywall/upgrade options or maybe a Buy Me a Coffee? It does take a lot of time and energy to write these pieces and I want to be able to sustain it while balancing my job and responsibilities.

If you’re new here and would like to learn a bit about me and this newsletter, see this piece: What I’m writing about in “The Realignment Room”